When I talk about becoming your real self what do I mean?
So often in my clinic I meet the most wonderful people who are committed to finding new ways to end their emotional pains – Panic, Fear, sadness, anxiety, depression, anger, relationship conflicts, trauma etc
What I often find is that the people wear numerous masks in their world’s (family, home, community) without portraying their “real self”.
The therapeutic journey is about facilitating the person to find and take the risk of expressing their “real self”. Too often this is suppressed by feelings of fear, low self worth, inadequacy, shame, etc.
So when do you deny your “real self”?
Do you feel fearful and anxious have panic attacks but hide them to show that you are great at cope and getting on at things.
Do you feel sad, tired and lonely and visit your GP for lost of physical ailments and don’t tell them how you are feeling because you are afraid of what your GP (or even family) might think and say)
Have you legitimate things to say and suppress them for example the adult daughter who is the over-burdened caring for an elderly relative while other brothers and sisters do not take responsibility.
Or the mum or dad who finds it easier not to tackle the outrageous demands of their teenager. Or you are in a work or home situation and being bullied?
If you too often “keep the peace”, you are denying your “real self”. The outcome of this is continual unhappiness. The challenge is to find your voice and your real self.
Imagine a place where you feel joyful, hopeful where you feel and act courageous (little step by little step). Here are some things to try:
• Make new connections or renew old ones.
• Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. Accept that change is a part of living.
• Set and move toward your goals.
• Look for opportunities for self-discovery.
People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss.
Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.