Irish couples warned to watch for 'red flags' in relationship including 'negging'

With Valentines Day right around the corner, here are some signs to look out for if you suspect you may be in a toxic relationship, or heading into one.

"While every relationship has ups and downs, certain behaviours can be warning signs of emotional manipulation and toxicity," mental health service, Turn2me, warns.

“Unhealthy relationships can take a toll on mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and emotional distress,” said Fiona O’Malley, CEO of Turn2Me.

“Recognising red flags early is crucial, and seeking support can empower people to make informed decisions about their relationships,” the CEO added.

Turn2Me's five key red flags are:

1. Love Bombing

At the start of a relationship, grand romantic gestures can seem exciting, but excessive flattery, intense declarations of love, and overwhelming attention—especially early on—can be a form of manipulation. This is known as love bombing, where one partner tries to create emotional dependency by moving the relationship forward at an unnaturally fast pace. It often precedes controlling behaviour once the person feels they have secured their partner’s trust.

2. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner makes the other question their own memory, perception, or reality. Common phrases used in gaslighting include:

• “That never happened, you’re imagining things.”
• “You’re too sensitive, you’re overreacting.”
• “You’re crazy for thinking that.”

This tactic is used to gain control and diminish the confidence of the other person, making them doubt themselves and stay in a relationship where they feel powerless. 

3. Negging

Negging is a subtle but damaging tactic where a partner gives backhanded compliments or undermines self-esteem to make the other person feel insecure. Examples include:

• “You’d be really pretty if you lost a little weight.”
• “Wow, you look really nice today. I barely recognised you!”
• “I usually date more attractive people, but there’s something about you.”

According to Turn2me, this behaviour is designed to lower self-worth and make the person feel like they need to work for their partner’s approval.

"Negging is a practice promoted by the “pick up artist” community which encourages men to be ruthless in dominating women, and to manipulate women into feeling lesser.

Negging never leads to healthy relationships or fulfilling romantic attachments," Turn2me said.

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4. Controlling Behaviour

A healthy relationship is built on trust and independence, but a controlling partner will often try to isolate their significant other, dictate their actions, or monitor their movements.

Signs of control include:

• Checking your phone or social media without permission.
• Making decisions for you or discouraging you from seeing friends and family.
• Becoming angry when you set boundaries.
• “Protest behaviour” – storming off, hanging up the phone or flying off the handle if you disagree with them or push back on their requests. 

If a partner tries to restrict freedom or manipulate decisions, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.

5. Constant Criticism

While constructive feedback is normal in relationships, persistent, harsh criticism that makes someone feel worthless or inadequate is a red flag. Constant nitpicking, comparing to others, or belittling achievements can erode self-esteem over time and create a toxic environment.

For those struggling with relationship difficulties, Turn2Me provides free and confidential support.

The charity runs weekly online support groups focused on relationship issues, offering a safe space to share experiences and gain insight.

Additionally, Turn2Me provides up to six free one-on-one counselling sessions to adults, helping people process their emotions and develop healthier relationship patterns.

How to Access Support

Turn2Me’s online mental health services are available to all adults living in Ireland. To sign up for a relationship support group or free counselling, visit www.Turn2Me.ie.

This Valentine’s Day, celebrate love that is healthy, respectful, and supportive—and don’t ignore the red flags.