A Portlaoise social care leader has opened up about her fostering journey, to mark National Fostering Awareness Month.

Bernie Sheil shares her fostering journey, with some names changed to protect anonymity.  

Ms Sheil has worked as a social care leader on the child protection team in Portlaoise for the past two-and-a-half years.

They say never bring your work home with you, but if Bernie followed that advice, she’d never have a wonderful young woman like Linda* in her life as a foster child.

“I worked with Linda five years ago, supporting her as she was moved to voluntary care and then to full-time care, driving her to and from school and to other appointments," said Ms Sheil.

"Later, I changed teams and was no longer working with her, but I always had a soft spot for Linda,” she said.

However, their paths would cross again when one of Bernie’s colleagues revealed that the young woman’s placement was breaking down and it looked like she would have to go to residential care.

Then came the prophetic words from Ms Sheil's mouth: “Sure, I’ll take her if nobody else will".

“I always wanted to do it, but didn’t think it would happen – I’m single, I live on my own and I work, I never thought they would consider me,” she adds.

Bernie went home and told her 27-year-old-daughter Kim, who also works in Tusla, what she was thinking of doing.

Kim, who lives just a few minutes away with her Nanny, gave Bernie her full support. And so began a process that resulted in Bernie becoming the 17-year-old’s foster carer. 

“I think because I stepped forward looking for her to be part of my home… that was a huge thing for Linda,” says Bernie. “It was a hard adjustment for the first six months, and I couldn’t have done it without Kim.”

The four women (including Nanny) get on well, with Linda often popping in to Kim’s home to spend time there.

Ms Sheil has said that the biggest challenge for the teenager was adjusting to life in a small country village from her previous home in the city. And for Bernie, it was learning to support Linda’s social anxiety.

“Linda’s really organised and I’m not," Ms Sheil explained.

"I had to learn to spell out clearly to her what would happen when we went on a trip somewhere – how long each stage would take and who we were likely to meet – because that would put her mind at rest. So, I had to learn to be very planned and organised.”

Ms Sheil says that she has been hugely supported by Tusla along the way. Because of her high level of social anxiety, it was felt best not to change Linda’s school and so now the Agency provides transport for the 45-minute journey to get there.

“That took the pressure off,” Ms Sheil explained.

“They have done everything to make this work. All supports are in place – respite for me and counselling support for Linda.”

Ms Sheil says that her own experience in social care has been "of real benefit" when it comes to engaging with Linda’s social worker, who was available at all hours to answer calls.

“I can pinpoint what supports Linda needs and then outline them in the correct way,” she adds.

All that support is clearly paying dividends, with the teenager’s social workers reporting a massive difference since she first came into Bernie’s care. Linda will be 18 in November and will continue to be supported when she moves in to supported lodgings in the new year.

“At least we will have given her two years that she will always remember,” Ms Sheil said.

“You can never guarantee but it’s nice to know that we’ve given her an environment where she is learning to love and value herself more.

“Kim always wanted a sister, and Linda likes the idea of having a big sister. She actually wrote a letter to Kim, saying ‘you’re the sister I never had’.”

June is National Fostering Awareness Month run by Tusla Fostering, the national agency for and experts in foster care.

Tusla Fostering is seeking foster carers from all walks of life across Ireland to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities. A local placement will ensure a young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community, and reach their full potential.

Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth, says the Child and Family Agency welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.

“It is really important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible because the needs of every child differ," Ms Smyth said.

"Right now, in every part of Ireland there is a need for foster carers. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities throughout our country. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.

“In Tusla, our focus is to support foster carers and encourage people to consider becoming a carer for a child who is unable to remain at home. We do this through a spectrum of support for fostering families. We collaborate closely with stakeholders and colleagues to innovate and advocate for children and families in the foster care system.”

Ms Sheil has said that it can be a bit of a jigsaw trying to get the right fit between carer and child.

“Not one parent, child or foster carer is the same. They need to learn to fit together. Our life experiences gave us the understanding that this child needed," she said.

The social carer also states that she loves the knowledge she get from doing her job, so much so in fact that she hopes to do her masters in social work next year.

“Once I’ve done that then I’ll look at fostering again,” she says.

As part of National Fostering Awareness Month, events and activities will be taking place around the country, including in-person and online information sessions.

There will be an information stand in Midland Regional Hospital Portlaoise on Thursday 12th June between 09.30am and 2pm. The full range of activities is listed on www.fostering.ie.

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