'Walking on eggshells' Christmas the worst time for Laois women and children in abusive homes

Far from joy and peace, Christmas is one of the worst times of the year for Laois mothers in abusive relationships.

Marna Carroll, director of Laois Domestic Abuse Service, spoke to the Leinster Express / Laois Live.

"The Christmas period is tense and trying for many, but it is an especially hard time for women subjected to coercive control.

"There are women all over Laois building up to a very stressful two weeks ahead, trying to manage financial pressure and make the best out of what they have for their children; while at the same time full of anticipatory anxiety about the intensity of being at home with their abuser, with reduced opportunity to seek help if needed.

"Women and children feel isolated and trapped, walking on eggshells and trying to keep the peace as much as they can until services and schools re-open in January. The strain can be unbearable, it can be a very lonely time of year," she said.

She gives advice to Laois women in a difficult situation this Christmas.

"If you are being subjected to coercive control, please know that you are not alone, and what is happening is not your fault; trust your intstinct, if it feels wrong then it probably is.  

"You deserve to live a life free from fear and the unpredictability that comes with being subjected to domestic abuse. Know that we understand and that we want you to call us.  

"One of the most useful things you can do now is create a safety plan, identify a safe place you can go if you need to over Christmas. If it’s safe, pack a small bag of essentials to leave with someone you trust or somewhere accessible in a hurry that your abuser won’t look," the LDAS director said.

The wider community has a role to play to help mothers and families living with abuse.

"As a community we must remember that coercive control and domestic abuse is not a personal problem, it’s a community problem, a societal issue. Therefore, it is our responsibility as a community to help. If someone talks to you about being abused, believe them. We need to educate ourselves, challenge the ‘banter’ and sexist remarks. That is where real change happens. That is where we can make a difference," Marna Carroll said.

The service also accepts donations towards their work to help and support women, via their website.

Members of Laois Offaly Garda Division supporting the Christmas Jumper day fundraiser for Laois Domestic Abuse Service.

Laois Domestic Abuse Service, based across from Portlaoise Garda Station, will close at 4pm on Monday, December 23 and reopen at 9am on Thursday, January 2.

During that time, women can contact Esker House, Athlone on 1800 662 288

An Garda Síochána are available at all times, giving their own advice to anyone experiencing domestic abuse.

"We know that if you are experiencing domestic abuse you can feel isolated and alone.  You do not know who to trust or who you can confide in.  It can be daunting contacting the Gardaí but if you are in danger we want you to call 999.  When you call 999, a Garda in uniform will arrive at your location in a marked patrol car.  They will ensure that you are not in immediate danger.  When you are safe, you will have the time to discuss with the Garda exactly why you called. 

"If you are not in immediate danger and you require advice and assistance, you can visit your local Garda Station.  There you will be met by a uniformed Garda.  You can ask to speak with the Garda in private.

"For Child Abuse incidents contact the 24hr dedicated phone line for the reporting of child sexual abuse. The phone line number is 1800 555 222. This confidential free-phone line is manned on a 24-hour basis, 7 days a week, 365 days a year."